I have to say, I’m pretty pissed.
I know, what was I expecting?
It’s going to all be okay, and here’s a cookie….?
Well, a cookie would have been nice!
So, Al-anon is pretty confidential, so I’m not even sure blogging about it is the right thing to do. But, I can tell you how I feel, right?
It’s a 12 step program. Not for the alcoholic, for you. ME! ME.
As if I don’t have enough to carry on my shoulders, I now have the disease of an alcoholics family member and I should go through the steps. Maybe I’m being a little defensive, but it’s not me with the alcohol dependency.
Now, I’ll admit I feed my feelings with food. There’s my cookie.
Chocolate coconut. Too many Point Plus, but worth it today.
I haven’t read through all the materials but I’m going to. I’m convinced that this will help me; I just need to convince them I’m not the problem! 😊
Just to clear up one thing: my husband is NOT the alcoholic. I complain about him some times but he’s really pretty great. Especially when it comes to helping me deal with all these family issues. He has a “perfect” nuclear family. Mom and Dad still married and in love. And a brother who he adores. Lucky.
My family is a shit-show. Divorce, alcoholics, cheating, lying, deception, you name it.
What I loved about Al-anon was that their family members were just as big of messes as mine. Comforting. I know, that sounds insane. But, it was comforting. I’m not alone.
It made me wonder what my son will grow up to be like? I hope he thinks I’m a good mom. I hope he knows the lengths I have gone through to make sure his childhood was not as messed up as mine.
New cookie. There’s my problem. Stress eater! I ate a salad to compensate. Some clean-eating freak is going to commit me to a gym in about 5.3 seconds. Don’t worry, I’ll convert them to a cookie eater.
Good thing I RUN!
Now, back to my issue. I think I’ve discovered my life doesn’t function properly if someone doesn’t need me. Maybe I need people to need me to be happy? Maybe that’s my deal. If I could rescue the world from its problems, I’d die happy. But, what if I can’t? What if I can’t fix/help the alcoholics closest to me?
It’s such a hard spot. This morning when I woke up I snuggled my little boy and just thought: I could stay in this space forever. Just let time stand still.
It didn’t (of course) and I’m at work stressing about work things.
Here is a sweet moment of my day. Enjoy it, I did.