Smile through tears

Attachment parenting, Family, Mother, Parenting

I’m dealing with a little heartache these past few days. Moody. Sad. Emotional.

Recently, my mom told me I was selfish for my birth plan (it was unsuccessful) and that statement really hit me hard. How can a woman be selfish when she’s given her body/life for an unborn child? How can a mother of a mother say such things? Especially, an incredible mother/grandmother.

There you have it, I’m selfish for wanting a natural, powerful delivery.

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We prepared for 12 weeks using The Bradley Method. This natural childbirth method is partner led. It’s amazing if you have a partner that is willing to go through 12 weeks of classes with you. It’s informative and helps your partner learn about your feelings/emotions/needs. My husband was not 100% into it but he tried VERY hard to be. None-the-less, our natural delivery wasn’t so natural after all.

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This boy had other things on his mind. Like, a c-section. He probably didn’t want to ruin his cute shaped head!

Life is funny. Our best laid plans. Well, I’ve learned that flexibility is vital to life.

There is something in the pit of my stomach that I just can’t shake these past few days. Just pure sadness. Not sure why. The obvious isn’t really bothering me: work stress, family stress, financial stress… It’s something more and I can’t put my finger on it.

I hope it passes. Maybe it’s the fact I’ll be 29 in a few weeks and I feel very unsuccessful. It’s hard to write, but it’s true. I guess I thought by now I would be financially secure and on my way to financial freedom but it’s quite the opposite.

I find comfort in this quote, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

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The promise of tomorrow is never here. I realize I am blessed. I just needed a moment to vent and find comfort in the imperfection of life.

Thank you for reading and supporting my blog. You have no idea how much it means to me.

Signed,

An imperfect, selfish, crazy-in-love mom.

6 thoughts on “Smile through tears

  1. Such a beautiful story and I’d love to say my first was natural med free, pitocin and a failed epidural, and this last one I prepared the entire time to have a med free natural labor needless to say after 11.5 hours of natural laboring I was stuck at 8cm for 4 hours wasn’t progressing and was put on pitocin and an epidural as I could no longer endure back to back contractions. Although I didn’t have a c section I know how to feels to want something so bad and it not go you’re way. You are not selfish in any way and it is awesome your partner took classes with you to prepare. We took a 7 hour 1 day class. Also, we are not financially where we want to be but we make the most of what we have and are thankful out bills are paid. Don’t get to down on yourself and remember you’re never alone plenty of others are going through the same thing ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thanks so much for sharing!!! It’s never easy. Most days I feel great but for some reason this weekend was difficult…. The comment and my emotions got the better of me.

  2. It’s such a tough thing that the people we love the most can hurt us the most, oftentimes without even meaning to. You chose a birth plan that you believed was right for you and your baby, and you did your best to carry it out. End of story. Someone reminded me recently that all of us are just doing the best we can. And that is okay. Success looks different for everyone, and you need only realize how much your little guy (and countless others!) love you to know that you have already achieved greatness beyond measure. It is definitely okay and even healthy to give into emotional fatigue every now and then and just let yourself be sad, but don’t ever forget that you are doing the best you can. Here’s to a better week ahead!

  3. Amber! You are a successful mommy, wife, and friend. Things do not always go as planned, but they certainly make you a stronger person. You’re a fantastic role model in so many ways! Chin up. ๐Ÿ˜Š

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