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Al-anon, Alcoholism, Attachment parenting, Family, Mother, Parenting

Many of you, my friends, have found my blog through word of mouth- mainly me- wordpress, bloglovin, twitter and Facebook.

Today, when I was checking my stats, I saw the search line someone typed into google: “how my drunk parent makes me feel.”

Ugh. Wow. That lead him or her to my blog. I have no idea if my words helped him or her… I have no idea the pain he or she may have gone through… Or the years of tears because the parent.

But, friend, I can tell you, you’re not alone. You’re not alone.

The pain of an alcoholic’s lifestyle can feel overwhelmingly challenging, maybe even never ending. If you’ve never dealt with this before- you haven’t got a clue. I don’t say that to put you down (really you’re lucky) I say that to really uplift the people that have dealt with this issue. It’s lonely. It’s sad. It’s self-defeating. If only you could have been nicer, if only you could have been more understanding, if only you said the right thing.

Here’s the thing it’s NOT YOU! Really, it’s just not. I wish I could hug you while you cry and share your moments with me. I get it. I really do.

If I tell you it gets better, that might be a lie. The drinking may never stop. But, you can get better! You can change the way this person affects you. Small changes lead to life changes. Start small. Set boundaries. Protect yourself. Love yourself.

I hope you find the answers and guidance you need.

My heart breaks for your pain and my mind prays for peace.

Love you.

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This is my peace. Sweet boy.

A few days later

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running, Uncategorized

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I have to say, I’m pretty pissed.
I know, what was I expecting?

It’s going to all be okay, and here’s a cookie….?

Well, a cookie would have been nice!

So, Al-anon is pretty confidential, so I’m not even sure blogging about it is the right thing to do. But, I can tell you how I feel, right?

It’s a 12 step program. Not for the alcoholic, for you. ME! ME.

As if I don’t have enough to carry on my shoulders, I now have the disease of an alcoholics family member and I should go through the steps. Maybe I’m being a little defensive, but it’s not me with the alcohol dependency.

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Now, I’ll admit I feed my feelings with food. There’s my cookie.
Chocolate coconut. Too many Point Plus, but worth it today.

I haven’t read through all the materials but I’m going to. I’m convinced that this will help me; I just need to convince them I’m not the problem! 😊

Just to clear up one thing: my husband is NOT the alcoholic. I complain about him some times but he’s really pretty great. Especially when it comes to helping me deal with all these family issues. He has a “perfect” nuclear family. Mom and Dad still married and in love. And a brother who he adores. Lucky.

My family is a shit-show. Divorce, alcoholics, cheating, lying, deception, you name it.

What I loved about Al-anon was that their family members were just as big of messes as mine. Comforting. I know, that sounds insane. But, it was comforting. I’m not alone.

It made me wonder what my son will grow up to be like? I hope he thinks I’m a good mom. I hope he knows the lengths I have gone through to make sure his childhood was not as messed up as mine.

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New cookie. There’s my problem. Stress eater! I ate a salad to compensate. Some clean-eating freak is going to commit me to a gym in about 5.3 seconds. Don’t worry, I’ll convert them to a cookie eater.

Good thing I RUN!

Now, back to my issue. I think I’ve discovered my life doesn’t function properly if someone doesn’t need me. Maybe I need people to need me to be happy? Maybe that’s my deal. If I could rescue the world from its problems, I’d die happy. But, what if I can’t? What if I can’t fix/help the alcoholics closest to me?

It’s such a hard spot. This morning when I woke up I snuggled my little boy and just thought: I could stay in this space forever. Just let time stand still.

It didn’t (of course) and I’m at work stressing about work things.

Here is a sweet moment of my day. Enjoy it, I did.

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Face it.

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running

So, I asked my husband if he would watch our son for a few hours tonight while I go to Al-anon. I wanted him to say yes, of course… But I almost wanted him to put up a fight so I could say, “forget it.” But he was kind and said, “this will be good for you.

Just like that. Such a supportive husband. That’s something I never give him credit for. He backs me when my guns are blazing for my feminist ideals, pursuits of equality for minorities or standing up for what I believe in. And he again, supported me today.

There you have it. I’ll go to this meeting today. To tell you the truth: I’m scared.

I’ll hear something about no control. No ability to make these people change. Acceptance. Lead by example. Don’t enable.

I know, duh you say, easy. Easy. But so hard when it’s people you love. Drugs addicts. Alcoholics. Abusers. But, family. It’s so messed up.

Ultimately, I live my life for him. My sweet, sweet man child.

“Be faithful in the small things….” Mother Theresa.

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Addiction

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Parenting

Have you ever dealt with an addict?

Two people in my life are extreme addicts. Since I have some friends now following my blog, I’ll leave it at that. 1 of my family members is a functioning alcoholic and the other one is a homeless drug/alcohol user. I have struggled to “do the right thing” for each of them and just don’t know how to help.

A few weeks ago it got really bad. The homeless one was arrested again. Sadly, at this point I’m numb to the arrests- at least he is somewhat safe. The other person is so affected by the homeless person that it makes her drink even more. It’s such a bad cycle.

The “functioning alcoholic” [she] is an amazing person but when she drinks she send me mean text messages, says mean things, or post inappropriate comments on Facebook. She’s someone I can’t imagine life without but I fear for her life. She travels for work and stays in hotels most of the time so it makes it difficult to monitor her progress or support her into sobriety (if that is possible).

Are these people lost causes?

I feel that it’s time for me to do something; so, a friend and I are going to try an Al-anon meeting this week. Have you ever been there? I’m not sure what to expect.

My sweet boy is such a nice comfort to my hectic, insane, crazy life. I just want calmness and peace… What’s funny is that is the same thing [she] used to tell me. Sigh.

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