The Process of Finding Happiness 

Attachment parenting, Beauty tips, Body shaming, confidence, empowerment, Mother, Parenting, Student loan debt

I’ve been silent for months now. So much has changed in my life and it’s really hard to process it all.

Three months ago I was miserable. I was working long hours outside of the home and hating every minute of it. I climbed up that proverbial corporate ladder, well, mostly… to the third step… Okay, maybe the second one, stay with me here! None-the-less, I hated life. My happy place was leaving work and teaching. I teach community college communication classes and LOVE every minute of it. Well, minus the grading.

I knew I couldn’t leave my corporate job, I was making too much money and ironically not enough. We were barely making it due to the mounds of debt I took on through my bachelors and masters degrees. You know the story. The sad, sad story. 

And then, one day, I told my husband, “I can’t do it.” I’m giving myself a few more months of this and I’m done. I said it out loud. DONE.

I was scared. I had no plan. I have so much debt, so many bills. Yet, I spent my days being so miserable and feeling suffocated. I. Hated. Life.

I was making my family miserable too. Sorry dudes. Then, the sky opened and I landed a job at a major university in their communication department. DREAM JOB. There is one little problem… Less, much less money.

Let me take you back to when I was in the middle of my misery pleading to God to help me. I said, “please allow me something that I love to do and I can share my talents.” I forgot to mentioned that I wanted millions along with it. So, I got the dream job.

I also asked my therapist for help. She knew I was miserable. She could see it each time I visited her office. She asked me if I felt successful, I always said “no”. Why! Why don’t you, Amber? I said, how could I? You should see the red in my bank account each month. How can I claim success when I’m in this state? I didn’t get it.

I went to see her last week. I sat there. Completely mesmerized that I was the happiest I’ve been making less money. I made it. I’m successful. It’s real. 

She asked me about my classes and students and I literally cried. I love my life. I’m so happy. I’m using my skills in the field I love. Students call me professor- and I turn around! Haha, it still makes me giddy.

Life was stressful and overwhelming when I hated my job. I just had to let go and let God.

What have you been holding on to? A relationship? A painful memory? A dreadful job?

How can you find your happiness?

What is happiness to you?

I found mine; go get yours.
All my love.

  

You’re Beautiful, that’s for sure.

Attachment parenting, Body shaming, Family

I can’t help but write about women and body shaming. There is something unique about me….

I don’t give a fuck.

Well, that’s not entirely true; but, it’s mostly true.

I’ve always known I was beautiful. Ask my friends. At 191 pounds, I saw beauty. Sure, I knew I was “fat.” Or, what society considers “fat.” But, I was also a best friend, a daughter, a sister, a student, a shoulder to lean on when most of those people needed me.

I wore a bikini at my highest weight & didn’t give a damn. Sure, sure, I wanted to be stick thin. But, I also wanted to eat. So, hey, it didn’t seem like such a big issue.

Now, you say, well, didn’t you lose 55 pounds? It surely must have been because you realized you were “fat,” “uncomfortable,” “piggish,” [all of these I’ve heard and maybe believed a little-at times]. My answer to that is NO.

I joined Weight Watchers because I knew I was ready to learn healthy habits and be the best person I could be. I never thought I was “disgusting” even if others possessed that thought.

I’ve been around hundreds of [mostly] women who constantly focus on the negative when it comes to their body. The amount of body shaming we allow ourselves to do: on Facebook, in our daily interactions and conversations with close friends/family or even strangers…. is absurd!

Last night I had 2 jaw dropping beautiful women at my house. Instead of pointing out their beauty WE discussed our flaws. Flaws that each other didn’t see.

People.
Men & Women.

STOP ALREADY

You’re beautiful, that’s for sure.

I was beautiful at 191… At 133 [lowest weight]… And at 141 [lifetime goal weight].

I’m beautiful today because I SAY so.

Are you beautiful today?

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