Motherhood, you’re disgusting 

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Mother, Parenting

That’s what we’re told anyway. 

NO? 

Really? NO?

Okay. Thanks but no thanks. 

For what? Your simple little opinion of motherhood. The naysayers. The others. The non-mothers. The righteous mothers. Or, just the righteous. 

You know who I’m talking about. The ones who make THIS a story. 

All day every day

Moms everywhere are forced to explain themselves or justify their actions. Like it everyone’s business how long we nurse, diaper, co-sleep, when we potty train, when we take away the paci, when we.. Blah, blah, blah. 
Look you assholes, it’s our business. 

Now, if we let you into our world, don’t be an asshole. If you must, practice this old saying: “treat others as you wish to be treated”. Or, take it one step further, “treat others as they wish to be treated”.

As a mom, I’ve done things I NEVER thought I would.

  1. Nursed and peed. Numerous times… What else would I do? Kid is hungry and I pee occasionally, ever try to hold that in? 
  2. Allowed my child to vomit on me, I’d rather clean myself than mop a floor. I wasn’t sure of my other options in the moment. 
  3. Cleaned poop out of the tub, twice. 
  4. Slept in pee. It’s like water, right? I just moved right on over… It was really a win-win. 
  5. Eaten kid left overs. Why? I have no idea- waste of calories on food that isn’t even luke warm. Stupid.
  6. Nursed in public, with no cover. Judge me. 
  7. Give up myself, daily. 
  8. Work endlessly. 
  9. Worry often.
  10. Love, amazingly. Or, to “you” maybe disgustingly. 

That’s right. I’ve done all these things and more. “You’ve” (they’ve) tweeted/facebooked/IG comments of disgust over half of these things. But, guess what: it’s REAL. REAL F-ING MOTHERHOOD. It’s what amazing moms are willing to do, everyday. 

So, step off your douche-bag soap box. We’re not going away. Those real social media photos, they’re not stopping either. Be thankful we’re here raising the next set of hopefully non-douche bag children. 

This weekend was full of disgusting moments. Puke, poop, fever, cleaning and repeat. 

We have a few sweet moments, though. 

Sunshine Breakfast.    
My first cotton candy. [not pictured: the other cotton candy, he wanted both colors]

  

  

Finally, after blood, sweat and tears of a sicky weekend Z wanted to watch a movie in the Jeep. So we sat – in the drive way- in the Jeep- with the iPad. So what?

 

Friends: pray for a clean slate and no more puke. 

Until next time, nurse your kid on the potty. ✌🏽️

5 signs you’re a mom and probably shouldn’t be…

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Publishing a children's book

I woke up oh so early this morning.

4 AM Wake up! For what reason? I don’t know.

Well, that’s not entirely true. Z started whining in his sleep, “MULK” “momma, Mulk.” So, naturally, in my sleep I roll over, pop out a boob and nurse. But, this morning it woke me up and I couldn’t fall back to sleep. I started thinking about being a mom and how much I need to learn.

Here are my 5 signs I need to grow up but probably won’t:

1. If you don’t take a shower at night and you play outside with a toddler, you’ll wake up itchy in the wee-hours of the morning. Fact.

2. After work I take off my nice, expensive work clothes and politely lay them on the ground in front of my closet. After my 4:30 AM shower this morning, I stood on said clothes to find comfy yoga pants. Winning.

3. I walked into the bathroom and found my dirty clothes on the ground – next to soggy cloth diapers, eh, someone’s mom might pick that up one day.

4. I looked back in the shower and realized I’ve been taking a shower with empty shampoo bottles for months. Where is that mom that cleans this shit up?

5. I’ve been sneak eating Marvell’s red velvet birthday cake all week and then coming out of the kitchen with baby carrots. What? Don’t judge me.

There you have it. #momfails of the century. When will I turn into my mom? It seemed that she always had shit together.

Hey, at least I’m up, showered and have eaten a bowl of cereal and a bite of red velvet before anyone even noticed.

That’s winning in my book.

Speaking of book: ITS DONE!

“Loving My Grandmas” will be on bookshelves soon! I approved the proof of the book and 100 copies are being sent to my house. I’ll soon have a link to buy the book. I can’t tell you how excited I am! Here’s a sneak peak of the cover….

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Like me on Facebook as well!

Loving My Grandmas Facebook page

1-2-3…. OUCH!! #attachmentparentingfails

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marriage, weight loss

Yea, we’ll get to that in a minute. You’ll probably die laughing.

I survived my first week back to work. We traveled home from Mississippi and landed in our cushy nestled little mess-of-a-home. It felt like we brought Mississippi weather with us. It was freezing cold when he landed in AZ. Seriously, the next few days it rained & snowed in parts of the valley. Totally nutty. Happily, I will say it’s now 70. That’s why I live here.

New Years means New You! It’s a time to reinvent yourself and prove to the world you’re an asset to your family, work & friends. When is it that we start to slip into the old habit(s) again? It happens. You forget how much you wanted to lose weight, save money, pay off debt, stop drinking so much… You get it.

Why?

Why do we forget so easily? Comfortable? Lazy? Busy? Overwhelmed? Maybe all of the above.

When I lost 55 pounds over 7 years ago I remember thinking, “if I could just fix this problem/this food issue, all of my other problems will seem like a breeze.” {She} was right and wrong. If you’ve kept up with me over the year you know I’ve fought many battles: family/financial. I must say, those aren’t easy, but knowing I have total control of what goes into my mouth and how I handle situations makes MY life slightly easier. It doesn’t solve all problems, but it does make it easier.

I miss leading Weight Watcher meetings. I wish I could be there to inspire my friends. The members were my friends, I loved them. I know they loved me too. I wish I had all the money in the world and I could go back. But, I can’t. There isn’t enough time in the week for me to squeeze out another job. I worked 3 jobs for 6 years. Too much. Can’t do it. But, I miss it. Weight Watchers saved my life.

Alright. The moment you’ve been waiting for…

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Oh, what’s that you say? Well, a moment of I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m done. Give me coffee. Oh, and the band aids. Yea,
those. Well, you see, I’m still nursing the kid. Last week- I WAS DONE! No more. Stop. Stop! Stooppppp!!!!!

“Mama, mulk.” “MAMA, MULK.”

First off kid- it’s MILK. An I. “ill-k” with an M before that. M-I-L-K.

Mama, MULK.

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So. I said no more “Mama Mulk” for this guy. He cried and cried and cried. Heart wrenching tears. It was horrible. That’s when I remembered this blog I read that mentioned she put bandaids on her nipples and her kid seemed to get it. “Momma owie.” So, I tried that. Z was pretty pissed that I had a sudden “owie.” I could tell he thought, “this woman thinks I’m an idiot!” He eventually gave me some space and all was well. I thought, OMG. It worked. It really worked. Then, 10 minutes later Z said…. (Drumroll please)

Mama, MULK!

I had to peel those bad boys off one of the most sensible sensitive (that was funny auto-correct, sensible lol) skin on our bodies!!!!!!!!! WTF! I didn’t think about that part! He didn’t wait a second. I ripped them off and he was right there ready to nurse. So, here we are going strong. 26 months and counting.

I remember thinking, can I get this right? Will he latch? Are my boobs too big… Will he suffocate under there👈LOL. Well, I guess I got it SO right that it’s lasting forever.

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Happy {birth}day Zaccai!

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Uncategorized

Well, we’ve made it. Our sweet little boy has turned 2. People this is monumental. Two years ago Marvell and I were clueless as to how to raise a baby, toddler, little boy.

But, we’ve made it. A few scrapes and bruises along the way {metaphorically speaking- egos mostly!}.

So, here’s to one of the sweetest boys in the world! Biased, I know.

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Mostly, I’m thankful this boy has forced me to slow down!! I am a go-go-go type of person. If I don’t have multiple things going on or multiple jobs, I feel lazy. [although I don’t think others are lazy that work 1 job or stay at home] Anyhow… this year I quit my favorite part time job. It is bitter sweet. I did it for Z. I knew that it was time to move on. He needed me to move on. Marvell needed me to move on.

Zaccai’s birthday celebrations were small. We had a nice BBQ, cupcakes and lovely weather outside at a local park. His sweet friends were there to play & have 2 year old meltdowns. Oh, the meltdowns.

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Zaccai LOVED us singing to him! His face lit right up! He knew the celebration was for him!

It was a beautiful day at the park! We could not have asked for better AZ November weather. The only minor problem: WIND! Who knew!? Wind in AZ. So, we blew out candles at home. Which meant singing to the boy again! He loved it.

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Digging the cloth diaper and socks look? You too can have this look! LOL.

My dear sweet boy. This world is cruel and angry and I hope your generation does more than ours. I pray you see a world of happiness & peace. I hope you see less war and more understanding. I urge you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes before you judge them. Believe me, you may feel tempted. At times you will think you’re better than someone else. Maybe even better looking…
{well, we know that’s a given}

……Quietly stepping off the mom soap box there…….

Really though, Zaccai, you’re world will be different than mommy’s and daddy’s. Just know, your parents have stood in the face of adversity, racism & sexism. The fight has come a long way but it’s not yet over. There are many battles to be won and I hope you’re part of the change. I believe you will do amazing thigs for our world. I can only hope that we positively impact your life to show you the way.

Just know, many parents have their way of raising babies/children/teens. We are all humans trying to do the best we can. That does not mean we are always right – we most likely will be very wrong one day – if we are… Let us know!

Challenge Us
Push Us
Ask Questions
Be Bold
Forgive Us
Love Us

Most importantly, get to know who you are. Be confident in the person you will become.

No matter what, we will support you.

We LOVE you.

Our sweet angel boy.

Born to this world and us on 11/4/2012 at 2:04 AM via emergency c-section. Your parents went through 12 weeks of natural Bradley delivery method to bring you into this world in the most “unnatural” way. But, man, does your mom have a story about her 4 day natural-no-pain-meds labor. I’ll be sure to tell you one day. And by that I mean: every time I get angry at you, when I’m bored and want to tell you the story, or, maybe when your first date shows up at the house… All appropriate times.

We named you Zaccai because we couldn’t agree on anything A-Y and the website stopped at Z: Zaccai. Your middle name is Marvell: didn’t have to go far for that one either: daddy & PawPaw’s name.

You were a tiny 6 pounds 11 oz & cute as a shriveled up old man. Love.

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{birth}. {one}. {two}.

5 second rule, makes sense.

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Mother, Publishing a children's book, Small Business

This past weekend little Mr. Z and I met a girlfriend on her layover and brought her to our favorite lunching spot. La Grande Orange AKA LGO or as my mom likes to call it, “Grange.” It always makes me smile when she says that.

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Well, I have to admit, terrible twos set in at LGO. Zaccai was crawling all over the ground (I hear reverting to baby stage can be normal…???) that was a statement as well as a question. To “distract” him I gave him (what I think is) the most amazing cupcake EVER… And that little shit threw it on the ground. Now, my gf was there and I’m not 5….
So, when she asked me if we can just throw it away, I wanted to exclaim “5 second RULE!!” Duh. But, sadly, we tossed it.

How can this sweet little boy turn into the gremlin monster and terrorize my life!? It only lasts about 15-20 minutes max but MAN are tensions high during the melt downs.

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Not only is he experiencing mood swings (lord knows these aren’t going away anytime soon) but he also refuses to GO TO SLEEP! Oh, my, goodness! For the love! This kid isn’t in bed until 12-1AM! Now, he’s a night owl and I’ve gotten used to 10PM bed time routine but all of the sudden, it’s into the wee hours of the morning. This week has been worse than the first three months- sleep wise. I am NOT an advocate for CIO or sleep training- don’t even suggest these methods… But, sadly, I’ve questioned my parenting- YET again. This. On. Paper. Is so easy. This. In. Real. Life. Is a shit show.

Then, he smiles. And, my tired, grumpy eyes smile too.

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Don’t get my wrong, I’ve lost it. He’s cried. I’ve cried. I have tried to have crucial conversations with a TWO year old. btw- to all my colleagues, that doesn’t work. shit. I’ve called/texted my girlfriends and our discussions are something like this: Is this normal? He hit me and I tried to redirect, then he hit me over and over and I spanked him back. I said I would NEVER spank. She scratched me. She pulled my hair. Then, after the tantrum, our sweet children come back.

I’ve become a parent I never thought I’d be. It’s like that adult phase of finally liking (maybe loving) garlic and onions….. I said I would NEVER do these things. But, remember, on paper………

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Sweet cloth bum.

The newest with my book: we are in “book” format and illustrations are underway next week. It should be a three month process! How exciting. In the meantime, I’m working on amping up social media & getting the word out. I’m manifesting being on Ellen as well. She has to WANT me on her show!!!!!

A Mother’s Dream

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marginalized individuals, Mother, Parenting, Summer

Before I became a parent I knew exactly how to “parent.” Some how through these past [almost] 2 years my son has been alive, I’ve lost the knowledge. People now look at me in grocery stores, malls, airports and I’m sure they’re thinking lady get a hold of your kid!

Zaccai is so sweet but boy-oh-boy is he entering his terrible twos!? That’s okay though, really it’s freaking okay! I take my son mostly everywhere I go and most days he’s a chill boy. However, we all have our moments.

Speaking of “moments” Michael Brown had a moment. At first Americans heard of another police shooting – this time a black teen in Missouri. The story so unjust. Then [of course there has to be a fucking then] they release a video showing the teen stealing cigars… And let’s be honest- being a little shit head.

Have you ever been a “little shit head” in your life? I have. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone that. Being a little shit head has major consequences- like the time my teenage friend stole a few trinkets from Claire’s. I’m pretty sure her parents grounded her… And damn it if my mom would not let me back to the mall by myself; thanks Natalie. Or, the time that me and my friends stole Christmas lawn ornaments from the neighborhood to decorate an abandoned house- AWESOME…. still running free from that one. Or, the time we all got busted for underage drinking except this goodie two shoes was a sober driverby choice, of course. Minor in consumption, anyone?

Yes, little shit heads we were. BUT – Guess what!?

Momma! Momma! Maaaaaama!

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Summer, Summer vacation

Sound familiar?

It now does to me!
Little Mr. Z now calls me by name. Momma.

The sweetest little voice calls me momma!

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It’s been a fun & busy past couple of weeks. One of my friends is getting married! And we celebrated her upcoming nuptials in Rocky Point, Mexico. I was fortunate enough to be able to go. The funny thing was, I missed my guys. Well, it’s not “funny” as much as it’s ironic. There are times when I wish I was alone on a beach with no worry in the world – but, then, the moment passes and all I want is my cute little family.

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We definitely do not take enough pictures as a family… This should be a bucket list requirement: more family photos.

I’ve seen many people doing their “bucket list” to-dos. 30 before 30… 40 before 40. I’d like to do that but I’m not sure I need more pressure on me! And… 30 is-a-knockin’ 😳

All I can say is that it’s been a long few weeks, I’m tired, my husband is tired and we are just taking it day-by-day.

Have you ever just felt, mehhhhh?

I’m in that wonderland right now. Somewhere between a liquid diet and a chocolate cake.

Sigh.

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amber necklace & attachment parenting 101

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Uncategorized

I apologize in advance to all of you non-parents out there… and I will say, “you’re welcome” to all of those parents out there with newborns-1 years old. By NO means am I an expert on parenting, an expert on raising children, nor am I giving any sort of medical advice… seek a pediatrician for that, not a blog. But, what I am sharing is my family’s unveiling of how we became parents that practice “attachment parenting.” Really, it should be called “parenting…” but here we go. I want to take you back to Feb. 2012 when we found out we were going to become parents… WHAT A THRILL! Here we were, two people, who tried for 9 months to get pregnant and we were about to embark on the best challenge in the world, parenthood.

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Marvell and I disagree on things here and there, but what we did not disagree upon was the way we would raise our baby – liberal. Outside of that, we thought we had it down, pat. Boy, were we proven wrong – right at the birth date. Zaccai was due 10/31 – you probably read all about my labor by now – if not – you can read all about it in “My Second Post.” I know, I’m clever. Anyhow, I was due on the 31st and went into labor on the 31st but this little pip squeak didn’t come until Nov. 4th (you do the math) you can see he was setting us up for parenthood success. NOT. We have both become parents we thought we would be and parents we NEVER thought we would be. THOSE PEOPLE. So, here we go – attachment parenting 101.                                                                                            The amber necklace  – the link will take you to a page that gives you in-depth information about the benefits of the teething necklace and the key properties that help with teething. Yes, most people are skeptical – and even say they are dangerous. If your baby doesn’t sit up on his/her own or is not eating solids maybe put it around the ankle. However, we put the necklace around Zaccai’s neck at 3 months and never turned back. You will see the necklace in literally every picture that shows his little chest. All I can say is that he never had a teething episode or cried due to teething. Also, the drool is substantially LESS during the drooling time period – usually 3-9 months. He has never tried to chew it or swallow it – most of the time he has no idea it’s there. I would suspect it is because we put it on him at a young age and he’s really just grown accustomed to feeling it there… kind of like your wedding ring.

Attachment Parenting- there are so many great books out there that will help guide you through this but here are a few tips – again, take them or leave them – no harm, no foul. I breastfeed from the moment he was born. This was probably the second most important thing to me. First being a natural delivery – and you saw how that unfolded. So, I was determined to get it right…. and we did. BUT, it took practice, crying, fighting (Marvell and I, Z and I- the whole family up in arms). When people say it’s not easy – it’s NOT – but – it’s also not impossible… if it was we wouldn’t be here – right? My success in bfeeding was (in my opinion) support of my friends and lactation consultants, that just got it. If you don’t have that support consider finding it – LLL, La Leche Leauge is a great resource. I called in tears – multiple time – for multiple issues and there was always someone that truly cared and wanted to help you through it – use them.                             
The next (that surprised us) was our sleeping situation. We “bed-shared” – I KNOW – people say DON’T DO IT! You will have a snotty nose 16 year old in your bed forever… haha, whatever. We bed shared until Marvell said he needed more sleeping space and he moved out (to the guest bed or the couch)  that surprised us too… gone are the fun nights as married peeps – GONE. Oh, well. Z will be 16 one day and will care less about us. When he was a tiny babe we used an official “co-sleeper” and that worked – OK. Not great since our bed wasn’t huge – but it worked. When they are so small I will say it was a safer route. As he got bigger and Marvell got tired of us kicking and waking him up nursing at night we took over the bed – and there we are today… sleep and sound. The next of course, cloth diapering – I was stoked that Marvell was so into it. I wrote a blog- “cloth diaper me, momma.” I gave some quick tips… Read it! Cloth is so easy – we even travel and cloth!

If there is one thing I have learned these past 20 months of Zaccai’s life it’s – be flexible. And know, on your worst day as a parent – your child loves you and needs you. I also think about those parents that can’t hug their little babies anymore – for whatever reason – and just think, they would love, love, love, to hold their crying, screaming, tantrum throwing child any day instead of holding – nothing. So, think about it…. on your child’s worst day/your worst day… if you can hold your baby – it’s your best day. Hold them. Smell them. Make them smile. Give them chocolate. Run with them. Cuddle them. Love them. Do whatever feels right to you – be the parent that you want to be – not the parent society wants you to be.

What surprised you as you ventured into parenthood? Anything that you followed through on as well? I would love to hear from you!

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Life is like….

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Uncategorized

A plate of half eaten cherries.

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Zaccai ate cherries for the first time! I carefully watched him take a bite, put it down and grab another one.

I got to thinking; life isn’t like a bowl of beautiful cherries held within an Anthropologie bowl (can you tell I would love an Anthro house!?). It’s more like a plain white plate with half-eaten cherries.

We were supposed to be in Mississippi this weekend celebrating The Fourth with Marvell’s family; but, we didn’t get on our standby flight. All over booked. We were sad. However, this allows us the opportunity to do some much needed things- unpack from Puerto Rico/Mississippi (I know…. That was over a week ago), focus on the business and to do’s, we’ve put things off too long, and just relax.

I literally suck at relaxing. I thank my Grandmother on my father’s side for that. Really, I thank her! But, when it comes to laying around and doing nothing… I can’t! So, I’m practicing the art of relaxing- just a bit.

Our T-shirt Co. is called

Blowin’ off STEAM

Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Small Business, Summer, Summer vacation

Welcome back to reality.

Did you enjoy your vacation? Good, because, it’s over.

Reality check.

I actually like the routine of life but getting back into the routine is hard!

As soon as we got home my husband’s brakes went out on his truck. Someone up above thinks we’re racking in the dough. So, that was a nice reality check.

Work has also been difficult lately. I’m learning, growing and stretching myself in ways that are uncomfortable. Feedback. Critical feedback is hard to swallow. However, I will say that it’s important. Perception is reality in business relationships and I want to be perceived in the best professional light. So, I’m willing to take the uncomfortable feedback and mold/develop myself. Ouch. Internal scrapes and bruises are more painful than external ones.

But. When I get home, I’m their everything. All this boy wants or needs How amazing is that? I don’t deserve it but I need it.

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After Zaccai was born, Marvell and I struggled to see eye to eye. I hope we’re not the only couple that goes through this. We continually said…
“This is why people need to be married to have kids. It would be really easy to leave right now- run away and dispose of the problems.”

We continue to face our problems and disagreements. But, I remember the day we got married and the look on his face as he said those vows. I was his and he was mine. Our first dance. Our first steps into the world as a couple. If you’re struggling as a couple – live there for a moment.

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Marvell drew this on our first anniversary. Custom says “paper.” This was my gift.

In Puerto Rico I danced my heart out! Marvell isn’t much of a dancer but the song Just the way you are came on and we danced as if was our first dance, tears and all.

Those small moments, those moments of connection are what I live for. They are not daily. Life isn’t a fairy tale. If we can begin to set realistic expectations in our marriage, the way we do at work- maybe we would succeed a little more. It’s a daily chore. It’s work. It’s reality. But don’t forget to take a moment to stop, smell, breathe, live. We’re so busy that we may rush over those moments or take them for granted- then what? They’re gone. Don’t lose them.

Now that reality is settling in…I had an egg white, spinach, tomato thin bagel sandwich. I wanted piles of pancakes and syrup. Sacrifice.

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