Love + Love = Love

Art, Attachment parenting, confidence, empowerment, Marginalized individuals, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Publishing a children's book, Small Business

If I’ve learned anything it’s to pass on love to my child. My husband and I don’t spend any time explaining who should love who with Z. To us, love is love. 

My parents divorced at a young age and went their separate ways. Dad remarried and mom, well, didn’t. 

I’ve never been asked why my dad remarried but believe me I’ve been asked why mom never remarried. 

I used to lie about why.

  • She isn’t interested in dating
  • She doesn’t really want to be in a relationship 
  • She doesn’t have time! Hello, 3 kids, single mom! 
  • She likes being alone-  duh, doesn’t everyone just want to be left alone!?
  • She’s overweight, maybe when she loses weight
  • She wants to focus on herself

Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. Lie. You get it.

Truth? 

She’s a Lesbian.

That’s right. I said it. I’m not a lier anymore. Man, that feels great. 

I’ve lied to everyone in my life until I met my husband. Oh, yea, and the drunken night with some of my college besties and our need to share all. Yea, that happened. Anywho……

Why the lies? “No one cares.” People would tell me. 

Oh, yea. Sure. Tell the world as a teenager that is coming into herself- I could barely contain my period let alone the fact that my mom was a lesbian. Then, I got so used to all the lies that I never went back to those people and corrected them. I just brushed it under the rug. 

Until now. I just took a leap of faith. I wrote a children’s book about Z’s two grandmas. 

Loving My Grandmas

I’m so proud a publishing company invested in me and my family story. I’m absolutely thrilled that Z gets to have representation of his two grandmas. TWO grandmas in love.

In love and that’s okay. It’s really, okay!

He will never have to lie. He won’t have to make up stories about Noni & Grandma. He won’t have to feel ashamed. He will just be able to love and enjoy them. Isn’t that what having grandparents is all about!? 

We think so. 







You can buy the book and support the movement! Equality for all. 

Buy here! Loving My Grandmas

Support my passion and advocate for marginalized couples all over the world! 



Oh, hello, Ocotober

Attachment parenting, Family, Marginalized individuals, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, Small Business

Where the hell did September go!? I’m pretty sure it was the shortest month ever! My bank account can confirm that. It’s been an extremely stressful month financially and at one point I’m pretty sure I hit my breaking point.

I should have broke something to feel better, damn.

Mostly, I’m working my ass off and getting out of muddy, thick ass water. No. More like sludge. Isn’t this thing called life funny? And when I say funny, I mean: utterly exhausting and depressing at times. Now, I can never say I’ve been clinically depressed – so you don’t need to worry about me in that way – but I’ve had my bouts with feeling sorry for myself here and there.

Yesterday was my day. It started when I was strong enough to check my checking account (downhill from there). I’m pretty sure the bank is enjoying their overdraft fees and return check fees they have been collecting from me! Then, systems were not working at work and text from friends come through about awesome things going on in their lives and I just wanted to lose it! PS… I love my friends and all their awesome things, but at the moment it felt very crippling.

Meanwhile, 800 numbers are calling me like lost EX boyfriends that have finally found their way! I considered answering them and using my communication skills to get the caller to pay my monthly bill. Nah, no time for that.

Anyway, you’re getting the gist of the financial stress. BUT, in good faith and measure, I NOW have a plan of attack. Sort of. I have a small little business plan that will give me money up front and help immediately. It came about so fast that I’m not even sure I prayed long enough for it to happen! But, here we go- I’ll enjoy the ride. I’ll post all about this little business venture in my next post over the weekend. For now, just know I have a financial plan to help my family.

Because if I get another freaking call, “Hello, this is Chase calling to discuss your bill.” I’ll scream! Or, “this is ATT calling to discuss your payment on your wireless bill.” Grrrrrr. Sadly, these recordings are memorized and very much avoided!

I never meant to be a shitty-ass borrower, but here I am.

Now, on the up and up. I’m healthy, smart and beautiful and have so much to offer this world!

How did I turn it around and not bring my shitty attitude home to my husband and child? That’s the important question.

I had a meeting with an executive at my company and she and I drive the same passions, advocacy and forward thinking. We talked and talked about change and community improvement. We deeply connected and planned a 2015 travel “mission” together. ME! The EXECUTIVE! TRAVEL! TOGETHER! Well, there was one slight agreement… She wants to co-parent Zaccai. I said……… deal! 😉

Seriously, I was energized. I came home with the best happy-go-lucky attitude and enjoyed my family.

What a day! It went from terrible to the best- because of one conversation. Seriously, people, be the change you want to see in the world.

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A Mother’s Dream

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marginalized individuals, Mother, Parenting, Summer

Before I became a parent I knew exactly how to “parent.” Some how through these past [almost] 2 years my son has been alive, I’ve lost the knowledge. People now look at me in grocery stores, malls, airports and I’m sure they’re thinking lady get a hold of your kid!

Zaccai is so sweet but boy-oh-boy is he entering his terrible twos!? That’s okay though, really it’s freaking okay! I take my son mostly everywhere I go and most days he’s a chill boy. However, we all have our moments.

Speaking of “moments” Michael Brown had a moment. At first Americans heard of another police shooting – this time a black teen in Missouri. The story so unjust. Then [of course there has to be a fucking then] they release a video showing the teen stealing cigars… And let’s be honest- being a little shit head.

Have you ever been a “little shit head” in your life? I have. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone that. Being a little shit head has major consequences- like the time my teenage friend stole a few trinkets from Claire’s. I’m pretty sure her parents grounded her… And damn it if my mom would not let me back to the mall by myself; thanks Natalie. Or, the time that me and my friends stole Christmas lawn ornaments from the neighborhood to decorate an abandoned house- AWESOME…. still running free from that one. Or, the time we all got busted for underage drinking except this goodie two shoes was a sober driverby choice, of course. Minor in consumption, anyone?

Yes, little shit heads we were. BUT – Guess what!?

Sharing Your Passions

Attachment parenting, Family, Marginalized individuals, Mother, Parenting, Publishing a children's book, Small Business

Today I shared a little about myself my colleagues didn’t know. Do you share personal information at work? If so, are you comfortable being vulnerable? I’ve gotten feedback I “over-share.” So, I’ve truly worked on this for the past few weeks. However, today, we had a team lunch that forced us into an intimate space of open dialogue. And, well, I couldn’t help myself.

Someone mentioned they shop at Walmart, I remarked, I boycott them. Someone else brought up Hobby Lobby and I shared that I boycott them as well. Everyone laughed and said, “what else do you boycott?” So, I shared a list and gave them all valid reasons for not supporting those businesses.

Since I was a child I always wanted to stand up for marginalized individuals. In 5th grade, I stood up for Bobby. Everyone made fun of him. Kids are mean. One day at the lunch table kids were picking on him and treating him like dirt. I, on the other hand was well-liked. So, I took it upon myself to stand up on the benches and tell the lunch room they needed to stop making fun of Bobby. And they DID! Bobby later thanked me.

Some days I think I was a stronger individual when I was 10. I didn’t care what people thought of me when I was standing up for marginalized individuals. (Of course, I had no idea I was being an advocate). All I wanted was to give everyone a voice. We all deserve respect. We all deserve rights.

My sweet boy stirs up those “old-school” emotions. I’m a passionate advocate looking for my next opportunity to advocate, boycott or represent. I have one in mind. Stay tuned. It revolves around my children’s book.

Until then, I posted about my friend and her stolen bike. I raised $250.00 and purchased a gift card and she bought a bike! Here is a picture of her shinny purchase! I should have posted this a while ago but I was caught up in life!

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That smile.

My sweet boy grows! Look at him.

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Children’s book – 5 years in the waiting

Art, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Mother, Outdoors, Parenting, Publishing a children's book, Small Business, Uncategorized

Years ago I was hiking South Mountain and my friend Jessie and I were talking about freeing ourselves from the corporate world. I have never been a creative soul so I knew from an early age that I would need to learn corporate adaptability. I have. But while we were hiking all those years ago I said to her, “I’m going to write a book.” Of course I had crazy endorphins running though my stream so at the time it was a perfect plan!

Anyone would experience this out of body experience after hiking and seeing this view!

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So, she said, “well, what’s your book about?” Damn. Now I have to think of a book genre and theme! I just want to slap my name on something… Not work for it. “A Children’s Book.”

I’m laughing out loud as I think about this.

I was 23 at the time. Didn’t really care about a family and kids- just looking for a quick fix to my financial problems as a college student working and supporting myself. Needless to say, that dream died on that mountain.

Until now.

I just finished my first children’s book. All pages are written – except the title. Why are titles so hard!? My husband is illustrating the book… So he’s in the process of working on the other half of my project. It’s a book series (I’ve only written the first one) from the perspective of my son. Once I finish the book and find a publisher and publish this thing – I’ll relay more info! It’s kind of exciting; a publisher left me a message yesterday! I need to call her back but I’m on vacation. No need to rush, it’s been 5 years in the making.

I’m in The OC, CA. my family lives here but I’m staying at one of my best friend’s house from high school. Our sons are 6 weeks apart and they had a ball together yesterday! I wish we lived closer. Our lives could not be further apart. Her house is beautiful, glamorous, big, expensive, decorated. My house is historic, needs updating, needs a HGTV makeover! It’s the funniest thing because I would think I might be jealous of her house/life/family, but I’m not. I’m so happy for her. I’m thankful her life and family is so awesome and beautiful. She has an amazing husband and 2 sweet babies. Isn’t that what life’s about? Really, truly being happy for your friends?

This sweet boy continues to melt my heat. Sweet pieces of goodness!

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❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A few days later

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running, Uncategorized

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I have to say, I’m pretty pissed.
I know, what was I expecting?

It’s going to all be okay, and here’s a cookie….?

Well, a cookie would have been nice!

So, Al-anon is pretty confidential, so I’m not even sure blogging about it is the right thing to do. But, I can tell you how I feel, right?

It’s a 12 step program. Not for the alcoholic, for you. ME! ME.

As if I don’t have enough to carry on my shoulders, I now have the disease of an alcoholics family member and I should go through the steps. Maybe I’m being a little defensive, but it’s not me with the alcohol dependency.

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Now, I’ll admit I feed my feelings with food. There’s my cookie.
Chocolate coconut. Too many Point Plus, but worth it today.

I haven’t read through all the materials but I’m going to. I’m convinced that this will help me; I just need to convince them I’m not the problem! 😊

Just to clear up one thing: my husband is NOT the alcoholic. I complain about him some times but he’s really pretty great. Especially when it comes to helping me deal with all these family issues. He has a “perfect” nuclear family. Mom and Dad still married and in love. And a brother who he adores. Lucky.

My family is a shit-show. Divorce, alcoholics, cheating, lying, deception, you name it.

What I loved about Al-anon was that their family members were just as big of messes as mine. Comforting. I know, that sounds insane. But, it was comforting. I’m not alone.

It made me wonder what my son will grow up to be like? I hope he thinks I’m a good mom. I hope he knows the lengths I have gone through to make sure his childhood was not as messed up as mine.

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New cookie. There’s my problem. Stress eater! I ate a salad to compensate. Some clean-eating freak is going to commit me to a gym in about 5.3 seconds. Don’t worry, I’ll convert them to a cookie eater.

Good thing I RUN!

Now, back to my issue. I think I’ve discovered my life doesn’t function properly if someone doesn’t need me. Maybe I need people to need me to be happy? Maybe that’s my deal. If I could rescue the world from its problems, I’d die happy. But, what if I can’t? What if I can’t fix/help the alcoholics closest to me?

It’s such a hard spot. This morning when I woke up I snuggled my little boy and just thought: I could stay in this space forever. Just let time stand still.

It didn’t (of course) and I’m at work stressing about work things.

Here is a sweet moment of my day. Enjoy it, I did.

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Face it.

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running

So, I asked my husband if he would watch our son for a few hours tonight while I go to Al-anon. I wanted him to say yes, of course… But I almost wanted him to put up a fight so I could say, “forget it.” But he was kind and said, “this will be good for you.

Just like that. Such a supportive husband. That’s something I never give him credit for. He backs me when my guns are blazing for my feminist ideals, pursuits of equality for minorities or standing up for what I believe in. And he again, supported me today.

There you have it. I’ll go to this meeting today. To tell you the truth: I’m scared.

I’ll hear something about no control. No ability to make these people change. Acceptance. Lead by example. Don’t enable.

I know, duh you say, easy. Easy. But so hard when it’s people you love. Drugs addicts. Alcoholics. Abusers. But, family. It’s so messed up.

Ultimately, I live my life for him. My sweet, sweet man child.

“Be faithful in the small things….” Mother Theresa.

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Football.

Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Football, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running, Uncategorized

What do I know about the sport? Nothing really.

This morning my husband and I were driving to the dentist to finalize his 15,000$ out-of-pocket accident last summer. (Not that I’m bitter or anything) Anyhow, and he says to me… “I’m going to start watching football!”

I chuckled a bit and then said, “OK.” And honestly wasn’t prepared for what was next.

You see, my husband HATES sports… Well, hate is a strong word so we will use “greatly dislikes.” He grew up on a farm in Jackson, Mississippi and was outdoors hunting & farming most of his life. Sports weren’t a thing for them.

My chuckle was around the thought, sitting there watching him watch football; I’m mean, really? All these years and now you wanna try it out?

Then, he proceeded. “Yes, I’m going to start watching it and my favorite team is the Rams.” Again, I say, “OK…”
He says, “Finally, we see acceptance and diversity beginning to emerge! And nothing makes me happier than seeing bigots pissed off!”

So there you have it. My man. I couldn’t have been prouder in the moment. I’ll tell you, we struggle. There are times we don’t see eye to eye. But when he makes comments such as these, my heart sings! I know I’m where I need to be.

We continued our talk about supporting marginalized and under-represented individuals in our country. When our T-shirt Co. is up and running we are going to find an organization to give back to. I can’t wait. First local. Then national. Then global. We want to be global!

I feel like I’m emerging on some of the most important days in my life. Crucial. Life changing. I think I’ll come to a cross roads and have to make difficult decisions… But I trust that I’ll follow my heart.

I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m aware.

Read about Sam. Thank you for brining yourself to Football. Stay authentic.

The Draft – Sam

I took a moment to celebrate life today. Take yours too.

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