Pear-ant hood : just that.

Attachment parenting, Family, Marriage, Mother, Parenting, running

Everyone is so excited and up in arms when you make your announcement!

“We’re pregnant!” Or, “We’re Preggo!” Or better yet, you’re one of those cute couples that did a profesh announcement, “bump ahead” with soon-to-be dad pointing at the soon-to-be mom’s flat as hell belly. Or, maybe the feet one- oh, that’s so cute (as I roll my eyes) “We’re growing by two feet!”

I mean, don’t get me wrong, Pinterest is amazing for all these cutsie-wootsie ideas but when it really comes down to it – none of that shit matters.

I remember praying that I wouldn’t get stretch marks after finding out I was pregnant. I mean, we tried for 9 months I should have prepared myself for what was to come. But, I stupidly found Pinterest and made a board, “all things boy” and believed my life would be as easy and beautiful as these pins.

News flash – Pinterest lives are a lie.

So, there I was attempting to live up to these perfect boards, photos, step-by-step do it yourself ideas. What I really should have been doing was enjoying every moment of being pregnant and expecting the “worst.” By “worst” I mean:

Don’t expect your birth plan to go perfect. Learn to be flexible. Don’t expect to be one of these cute Pinterest pregnant women with skinny bodies and the cutest bump- bitches… You know who you are! Do expect stretch marks – loads of them. Do expect long restless nights. Don’t expect amazing preggo marriage intimacy (you know). Don’t expect your partner to know what you need. I could go on and on.

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Look at that beautiful stomach! This of course was pre-pregnancy. I worked hard for that stomach. Lost 55 pounds, learned to run, hike and yoga. I worried my body would never be the same, duh. But really, really what I should have worried about were the things that mattered.

Things that matter when you become a parent:

Your marriage/partner and your child.

Guess what doesn’t matter:

Your boobs, stretch marks, Pinterest boards, cute nursery, perfect stroller, perfect blankets… On and on.

What I’m trying to say is focus on what you can control when you’re pregnant. The most beautiful opportunity life will give you- life.

I stressed over stretch marks. S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D. and guess what? It was all a waste.

This belly grew a human. 20 months, postpartum.

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Childhood memories. Damn Mini.

Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Mother, Outdoors, Parenting, running

I’m sure you’re something like me… Cringe when you think of your childhood.
Ew, I shouldn’t have said that. Or, why did I wear that? I thought he/she was attractive!?

My family has a few poignant stories to tell and for some reason I feel compelled to tell you one of my “cringe moments.”

First of all, my parents separated when I was 6. I assumed the “mom” role at that time. My dad gained full custody of the 3 of us, Nick (7), me (6), Michael (2).

Now, looking back what a mess! I knew it was a mess at 6, now at 28 I realized it was a true shit-show.

Anyhow, so good ol’ dad all of about 29 at the time had full responsibility of these beautiful young children. Now what? I’m sure he was well over his head with what he thought he’d accomplish.

This brings me to my story. We were poor. Not just oh, wow, we’re a little broke this week… No, like bean and cheese burritos for years broke. So, I at the age of 7 was confronted with an issue. I only had 1 pair if jeans to wear for the whole week. The whole week!

I know, who cares right!? Well, jeans can be inconspicuous – but these jeans… they were special…. UGH

They had a fucking Mini Mouse on the left pocket!

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Look at her, so happy. She makes me sick. So, here I am forced to wear the jeans, daily, and I have to figure out how to
1) hide the Mini on most days of the week
2) debut the Mini at least 1 day a week 3) wear something else besides jeans another day of the week (which likely was not an option seeing as though I had limited clothing choices).

Well, I thought I was being so ingenious and successful at hiding/showing the Mini. I thought.Until some punk kid — in front of everyone stated, “You wear those Mini jeans everyday!”

Melt! Embarrassing! How dare he!?

I was mortified! But, what was I going to do? It’s not like anyone really cared enough at home to buy me more clothes. I knew we couldn’t afford anything else. Most of all, my dad didn’t really care what I was wearing.

In that moment, I knew I’d make my life different. I’d work my ass off to make my life different.

Sometimes I look back and wish I could talk to my younger self. When I was so sad, when I got frustrated, when I felt alone– I guess I would say… I love you.

I don’t remember my dad ever saying “I love you” as a child. He does now. I’m not sure what changed. I needed it more then than now.

What was your childhood like? Did you have everything you wanted? Or, were you stuck with a pair of “Mini jeans”?

How can you resist this sweet face?

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Glamping

Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Camping, Cloth diaper, Outdoors, Parenting, running, Uncategorized

Went went camping for our little 3 day holiday weekend.

“Glamping” Adj/N: “to camp in a fashionable style.” “A Glamorous camper.” Translation: someone who is full of herself, even while camping.

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So, you’re getting the idea.

We camped right by the river and could hear the water all night long, it was glorious.

We’re not huge campers- yet- but I grew up camping my whole life, so it was a bit nostalgic for me. My grandfather on my mother’s side loved to camp. We would go to Mammoth Lakes, CA, each year and spend about a week there- fishing, playing, climbing rocks, hiking the waterfalls, pure joy!
Camp Mammoth Lakes

It’s so beautiful there!

Anyhow, back to AZ camping. We camped in a #stouttent @stouttent Stout Tent

It’s really the best tent since sliced bread! You need one!

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The tent helps become a “glamper.”
All my friends were jealous!

Zaccai couldn’t help his inner boy to immediately get himself “dolled-up” in true camping style…

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Yes- we did cloth diaper while camping… What kind of question is that!? (assuming you thought that!)

He was over-the-moon excited when he woke up in the tent… It was the most adorable sight!

Of course, we must remember what Memorial Day is all about- the people that sacrificed their lives for this country. I don’t believe in war, hell, some of our soldiers don’t believe in the wars we’ve had. But, I believe we must take a moment to thank people that are willing to put their lives on the line… More than I can say for myself.

Well, it’s been a full week of reality and my husband is fully committed to working on his business and making it profitable. I’m happy about this but it’s still a huge work in progress. I’m hoping and praying for the best.

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He’s the sweetest! Enjoy your weekend!

A few days later

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running, Uncategorized

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I have to say, I’m pretty pissed.
I know, what was I expecting?

It’s going to all be okay, and here’s a cookie….?

Well, a cookie would have been nice!

So, Al-anon is pretty confidential, so I’m not even sure blogging about it is the right thing to do. But, I can tell you how I feel, right?

It’s a 12 step program. Not for the alcoholic, for you. ME! ME.

As if I don’t have enough to carry on my shoulders, I now have the disease of an alcoholics family member and I should go through the steps. Maybe I’m being a little defensive, but it’s not me with the alcohol dependency.

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Now, I’ll admit I feed my feelings with food. There’s my cookie.
Chocolate coconut. Too many Point Plus, but worth it today.

I haven’t read through all the materials but I’m going to. I’m convinced that this will help me; I just need to convince them I’m not the problem! 😊

Just to clear up one thing: my husband is NOT the alcoholic. I complain about him some times but he’s really pretty great. Especially when it comes to helping me deal with all these family issues. He has a “perfect” nuclear family. Mom and Dad still married and in love. And a brother who he adores. Lucky.

My family is a shit-show. Divorce, alcoholics, cheating, lying, deception, you name it.

What I loved about Al-anon was that their family members were just as big of messes as mine. Comforting. I know, that sounds insane. But, it was comforting. I’m not alone.

It made me wonder what my son will grow up to be like? I hope he thinks I’m a good mom. I hope he knows the lengths I have gone through to make sure his childhood was not as messed up as mine.

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New cookie. There’s my problem. Stress eater! I ate a salad to compensate. Some clean-eating freak is going to commit me to a gym in about 5.3 seconds. Don’t worry, I’ll convert them to a cookie eater.

Good thing I RUN!

Now, back to my issue. I think I’ve discovered my life doesn’t function properly if someone doesn’t need me. Maybe I need people to need me to be happy? Maybe that’s my deal. If I could rescue the world from its problems, I’d die happy. But, what if I can’t? What if I can’t fix/help the alcoholics closest to me?

It’s such a hard spot. This morning when I woke up I snuggled my little boy and just thought: I could stay in this space forever. Just let time stand still.

It didn’t (of course) and I’m at work stressing about work things.

Here is a sweet moment of my day. Enjoy it, I did.

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Face it.

Al-anon, Alcoholism, Art, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running

So, I asked my husband if he would watch our son for a few hours tonight while I go to Al-anon. I wanted him to say yes, of course… But I almost wanted him to put up a fight so I could say, “forget it.” But he was kind and said, “this will be good for you.

Just like that. Such a supportive husband. That’s something I never give him credit for. He backs me when my guns are blazing for my feminist ideals, pursuits of equality for minorities or standing up for what I believe in. And he again, supported me today.

There you have it. I’ll go to this meeting today. To tell you the truth: I’m scared.

I’ll hear something about no control. No ability to make these people change. Acceptance. Lead by example. Don’t enable.

I know, duh you say, easy. Easy. But so hard when it’s people you love. Drugs addicts. Alcoholics. Abusers. But, family. It’s so messed up.

Ultimately, I live my life for him. My sweet, sweet man child.

“Be faithful in the small things….” Mother Theresa.

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Football.

Art, Art and design, Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Football, Marginalized individuals, Parenting, running, Uncategorized

What do I know about the sport? Nothing really.

This morning my husband and I were driving to the dentist to finalize his 15,000$ out-of-pocket accident last summer. (Not that I’m bitter or anything) Anyhow, and he says to me… “I’m going to start watching football!”

I chuckled a bit and then said, “OK.” And honestly wasn’t prepared for what was next.

You see, my husband HATES sports… Well, hate is a strong word so we will use “greatly dislikes.” He grew up on a farm in Jackson, Mississippi and was outdoors hunting & farming most of his life. Sports weren’t a thing for them.

My chuckle was around the thought, sitting there watching him watch football; I’m mean, really? All these years and now you wanna try it out?

Then, he proceeded. “Yes, I’m going to start watching it and my favorite team is the Rams.” Again, I say, “OK…”
He says, “Finally, we see acceptance and diversity beginning to emerge! And nothing makes me happier than seeing bigots pissed off!”

So there you have it. My man. I couldn’t have been prouder in the moment. I’ll tell you, we struggle. There are times we don’t see eye to eye. But when he makes comments such as these, my heart sings! I know I’m where I need to be.

We continued our talk about supporting marginalized and under-represented individuals in our country. When our T-shirt Co. is up and running we are going to find an organization to give back to. I can’t wait. First local. Then national. Then global. We want to be global!

I feel like I’m emerging on some of the most important days in my life. Crucial. Life changing. I think I’ll come to a cross roads and have to make difficult decisions… But I trust that I’ll follow my heart.

I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m aware.

Read about Sam. Thank you for brining yourself to Football. Stay authentic.

The Draft – Sam

I took a moment to celebrate life today. Take yours too.

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Be beautiful, Wednesday.

Art, Art and design, Parenting, running

There is so much to be thankful for.

I tossed and turned all night thinking about Ryan.

#redballoonsforRyan

The sweetest face taken from the world too soon. He was hit by a truck while playing outside. My heart bleeds for his family. @babyboybakery I thought about your heart and losing a child so soon.

Please know my family is praying for you.

My husband, who I usually bitch about…. (Need to get better about that)… Stayed up til the wee hours of the morning fixing our draining/plumbing in the house. He said he checked on us a few times and thought about Ryan and his parents. I know his heart is hurting today too.

From our hearts to yours, We’re sorry for your loss. We can’t imagine what you’re feeling but we are truly sorry.

Take a moment to breathe, love and smile today. You are here for a moment but have a purpose.

Today, I feel beautiful. Please, feel that too.

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Bloggy blog blog blog blog

Art, Art and design, Parenting, running

Just do it. I have worked 12 hours today and honestly the last thing I want to do is sit here and blog. But, I need to- I have to. I’m not sure why. I’m not even sure what I am going to say.

Today, I spent my morning in a leadership development workshop. That was great and my peers are great. But there is something deep down inside of me that’s broken. Maybe I’m tainted since I don’t make a TON of $$ doing what I do. I love leadership and I love my company. So, I’m staying. I guess I needed to blog about that. The fact that I know I can make more in the “moment” but long term I’m where I need to be.

If money was no object, what would you do?

I’d stand up for marginalized/underrepresented individuals and give them a voice. I’d travel to the slums of America and talk to the poor and get their life insight, you know, ask questions. I’d figure out HOW they understand “The Land of the Free” and “Freedom.” My thoughts? We’re not free. We’re constrained in our view of society from our front porch looking in. We are in a bird cage, some beautiful and some so broken you wouldn’t even call it a cage. How can we let our people down? How can we allow poverty, homelessness, and destitute. Money talks, money walks, money drives leaders(hip).

My idol? Mother Theresa. What a woman. I’d take her any day over a modern age celebrity.

Do good for people, not because it’s a nice Facebook status (yea…..) but because in your heart of hearts, you know it’s the right thing to do.

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Damn Thieves

Parenting, running

My friend, who is a stay at home mom, was robbed and her bike was stolen! She used her bike daily to get to and from the park to enjoy the day with her kiddos! She is such an awesome mom; someone who I would love to be like. She’s funny, carefree, and all around a cool hippie chick!
She’s so sad about her bike and I don’t blame her! It’s the way she could spend fun time with her kids and now it’s a hassle to get them out and to the park. I know, first world problems.
But, hey, people have helped others for little reasons… So I figured why not ask my friends and Facebook friends for some dough…?

So, today, I raised some money! Not enough for the whole bike, but made good headway. So, now, why not ask the rest of the world to chip in!????!!!!!

Would you?
Would you help a stay-at-home mom get her freedom back?
Would you help her connect with her littles in a playful/intimate way?

Any small amount would help us get there!

Paypal – ambernicholegreen@gmail.com

I can’t wait to see her face!!!!!

Have you ever been so excited about helping someone else? I’m trilled! I can’t wait to accomplish this feat!

Happy Weekend!

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Mommy and baby! ❀️❀️❀️❀️❀️

Bad Parenting

Parenting, running, Uncategorized

I met my mentor (from my full time job) outside of work today. She’s becoming more like a friend to me. She too has a son who is 1 year old so we are relating to each other more and more. But something she said to me today struck a chord. She said,

I feel like I’m failing as a parent.
What's funny is I bet every parent thinks they have failed, ARE FAILING, or WILL FAIL.

So much worrying about failure.

It makes me wonder

WHY do we feel the need to be perfect in the role of parenting?

Look, I’m no perfectionist. I’m sure you’ve gotten that by now. But, I’m also no quitter! I want to be an awesome mom. But, in that moment… Of her saying she felt like a failure- I confessed and said, “I’m a failure too.”
There. I’m not super mom. Shit. Don’t tell anyone. In fact, I most likely will suck at being a mom my whole life. I love my son SO much but I will always makes mistakes. There will always be a mom that will make better lunches, says the right things, tells the best stories, likes the right sports, blah, blah, blah. BTW- to that mom out there- ya, you, the perfect one.
GO FUCK YOURSELF. You make us all look bad! And you make us feel bad for looking bad!

Okay, you get it. I suck, my mentor sucks (who is very successful in the corporate world-btw) and I’m sure many, many more moms would put themselves in our bucket.

Let’s revolt, one sucky mom for another!

Speaking of sucky moms- I let my kid play outside while I was watching him and he climbed up and fell on a cactus right in front of my eyes! Talk about being a really shitty mom! It was beyond amazing- NOT! There- now, go back to your day- because you’ve probably done more positive than not.

My poor guy is just fine. Scraped up, but okay.

If I had all the money in the world- I would buy this tunic. Isn’t it beautiful?

Tory Birch- I bet she’s perfect in every way imaginable. UGH.

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