The Process of Finding Happiness 

Attachment parenting, Beauty tips, Body shaming, confidence, empowerment, Mother, Parenting, Student loan debt

I’ve been silent for months now. So much has changed in my life and it’s really hard to process it all.

Three months ago I was miserable. I was working long hours outside of the home and hating every minute of it. I climbed up that proverbial corporate ladder, well, mostly… to the third step… Okay, maybe the second one, stay with me here! None-the-less, I hated life. My happy place was leaving work and teaching. I teach community college communication classes and LOVE every minute of it. Well, minus the grading.

I knew I couldn’t leave my corporate job, I was making too much money and ironically not enough. We were barely making it due to the mounds of debt I took on through my bachelors and masters degrees. You know the story. The sad, sad story. 

And then, one day, I told my husband, “I can’t do it.” I’m giving myself a few more months of this and I’m done. I said it out loud. DONE.

I was scared. I had no plan. I have so much debt, so many bills. Yet, I spent my days being so miserable and feeling suffocated. I. Hated. Life.

I was making my family miserable too. Sorry dudes. Then, the sky opened and I landed a job at a major university in their communication department. DREAM JOB. There is one little problem… Less, much less money.

Let me take you back to when I was in the middle of my misery pleading to God to help me. I said, “please allow me something that I love to do and I can share my talents.” I forgot to mentioned that I wanted millions along with it. So, I got the dream job.

I also asked my therapist for help. She knew I was miserable. She could see it each time I visited her office. She asked me if I felt successful, I always said “no”. Why! Why don’t you, Amber? I said, how could I? You should see the red in my bank account each month. How can I claim success when I’m in this state? I didn’t get it.

I went to see her last week. I sat there. Completely mesmerized that I was the happiest I’ve been making less money. I made it. I’m successful. It’s real. 

She asked me about my classes and students and I literally cried. I love my life. I’m so happy. I’m using my skills in the field I love. Students call me professor- and I turn around! Haha, it still makes me giddy.

Life was stressful and overwhelming when I hated my job. I just had to let go and let God.

What have you been holding on to? A relationship? A painful memory? A dreadful job?

How can you find your happiness?

What is happiness to you?

I found mine; go get yours.
All my love.

  

You’re a blogger, too?

Attachment parenting, Family, Publishing a children's book, Student loan debt

So, I do wear many hats; I get why my friends are constantly asking me “what don’t you do!!??

I don’t do chores very well, I lack the grace.

I also don’t pay my bills on time these days. Hello, people, the struggle is real. Today when I got a notice that my internet and TV was turned off for non-payment I realized a due date wasn’t just a suggestion in the USofA. Century Link is for real, yo.

So, $300.00 later (I definitely didn’t expect to pay that) I may have Internet/TV tomorrow. I seriously DO NOT need nor want the TV service. *Married couples – in the house- it’s a pick your battle sort of thing!? The Internet, well, I guess we need that.

Since we are forced to live without such luxuries for the time being I popped in a DVD!

When is the last time you used a DVD!? Are they slowly becoming the dinosaurs’ VHS cousin?

I chose my favorite movie of all time, well, almost all time, Julie & Julia. First, I had to watch 20 minutes of previews. PREVIEWS!? What on G-d’s green earth??

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When I first watched J & J I loved the movie and felt like I was Julie! We had similar jobs and I was seeking life’s ultimate: success! However, I never imagined I would be a blogger, too.
What the hell did I know about blogging. What the heck do I have to say? Why would anyone read it anyway?

She felt the same way. And look at her now! She set a goal and she achieved it, past her wildest dreams.

She celebrated her 30th in the movie… Now I’m realizing maybe my life is more similar to her now. I’m still in a cube & almost 30. Shit.

I try to dream past my wildest dreams but my reality gets in the way. Namely, bills. I am a slave to these people. The rich-ass-companies that swindle my money and own yachts and pinkie rings.

Who wears a pinkie ring anyway?

One of my favorite parts of J & J is when she has a terrible day and falls apart on the floor, crying like a baby. Man, how many times have I “been there done that”. Too many. I wanted to scream and cry today! It’s not fair I have all these bills and don’t get a penny to myself without fear of retribution.

One day, one day it won’t be so hard, right? I’ll have paid all my debt off and I’ll live within my “means.” Even if those means are measly.

Oh, yea. And my student loans are “a-knockin.'” I read some article that some odd millions were forgiven for student loan debt; too bad that wasn’t mine.

Until then, my little book is hopefully going to be done in a few months. I created a Facebook page for “Loving My Grandmas.” Feel free to check it out, like & share.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a wildest dream story to share.

Until then, no internet/tv or dignity.

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My Prison: thank you student loans

Family, Parenting, Student loan debt

Before you sign that e-line. Damn, they make it so easy, consider this:

You’re throwing away years of your life for 4 to 6 years of education to get a mediocre job you won’t even like.

Yep. That about sums it up.

Well, now, I know what you’re thinking… you {meaning me/myself/I} didn’t have to go to school and hell you didn’t have to get a master’s degree.

But, I’m going to clarify why I did “have” to and what I “thought” I’d accomplish.

I’m the first one in my family to go to college and graduate. So, I guess you could say I upped the ante. I figured, just in case someone got crazy and tried to graduate with a degree… I’d get my master’s. Silly. Really, I wanted a master’s to show I could do it. I could be successful. Oh, if I only knew.

What does success even mean?

I assume many equate it to $$ dollar, dollar bills. Yes & no. I mean, I need them (dollars) but they don’t define my success. Unfortunately, in a society that believes bigger is better – I am swimming upstream, alone.

So, back to those student loans. I’d like to take a minute to thank the people that inspired me to further my education – the rich.

You see, I thought the rich were showering themselves with degree(s). Silly me. Especially, since I grew up poor and my parents lacked college educations. I figured I understood the connection. No degree = financial struggle.

These days: too many degrees = financial struggle.

I believed the lies I was told. If you go to college you’ll make a million more than those who didn’t. Lame. You’ll be more successful. You’ll change the world. Bulls&it.

All my “degrees” have awarded me is a 20 year sentence to prison. I can’t spend too much at the grocery store for fear that I’ll overdraft my delicate checking account. I can’t think about new clothes or shoes without the reminder of my piles of debt. I am allowed to drive to work, work, drive to another work, work, and then go home and work. There are way too many “work(s)” in that sentence!

Work!
Work!
Work!

College eduction may be a waste of time for you if your parents didn’t set aside a college fund. Or, if you weren’t guided to apply for grants/scholarships… Or, if you weren’t smart enough to work-then college-then work. You see?

So, I anted up and lost. I’ll be in prison with no chance of parol for the next 20 (plus) years. My chariot awaits.

I read this story once and want to share it with you… I wish I would have read it before the notion of our “America Dream” was imbedded in my head.

Mexican Fisherman

Sigh, if only I could fish.

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