Follow Your Heart

Attachment parenting, empowerment, Family, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorized, weight loss

We’re all busy, right? 

I am. I’m a wife, mom, full time manager, part time instructor at a community college, a friend, a daughter, a writer, a dishwasher, a laundry goddess and last but not least a terrible cook. 

How do I have the time? If I had a nickel for all the times my friends say, “how the hell do you do it!?” I’d be rich! 

I don’t know. But, let me tell you what I’ve lost because I’ve “done it all.”

Time.

Memories.

Moments.

Years.

Z turns 3 in November. I turn 30 in September. The year of “3”. I told myself 2015 will be my year of change. I will not continue to be “too busy”. I’ve told my son on numerous occasions- I can’t, mommy has to work. Sorry, off to work. Internally I say, sorry, I’ll make it up to you… of course, Z can’t understand the concept of “make it up”. 

But, I won’t make it up. I won’t because he’s only going to take his first step once. He’s only going to say his first word once. He’s only going to smile and coo “once”. These moments are gone. Some of them I’ve witnessed, but most I’ve missed. I missed them so I could pay off credit card debt, pay off car payments, pay for Internet, pay for cable, for for loans I took out to pay off debt. I’ve worked so hard so others could be successful. 

In our couples therapy my therapist asked me if I thought I was successful. 

I said no.

God, have you seen my checking account? I’m NOT successful.

No mind I put myself through college. I wasn’t supposed to go to, statistically speaking. I graduated with a Master’s two years later. All by 23 years of age. I lost 55 pounds on the Weight Watchers program and lead hundreds of people to live happier, healthier lives. I encouraged my friends to love themselves and take risks. Fall in love. I emotionally supported my husband when he couldn’t take another day in Corporate America. I let him take a risk. I climbed the ladder in Corporate America after numerous rejections and I have taught at a college for the past 5 years. I’ve ran 3 half marathons and 1 Ragnar. I had a labored for days with my baby and had a c-section to seal the deal and bring him into this world. I’ve given up so much to provide for the people I love. And, now, when faced with a deep, profound question: are you successful? My answer was: NO.

My life has always been defined as being poor. Lower than lower middle class. I’ve always been taught that success=money. Why, why oh why is this woman telling me that I’ve gotten it all wrong? I need to look at success from a different angle. I can’t. Or, I feel like I can’t. 

Since that day I have seriously tried to tell myself I was successful. It’s been hard to accept that I am successful since I don’t have much to show for “it”. The successful competition is fierce. I mean, how can I even compare? How can I convince the world Amber Green is successful? Shit, I’m probably the 1803502747920847 person on your Google machine. 

Or, maybe, just maybe it doesn’t matter what others think of me… Only how I feel about myself? Compared to myself?

If I’m not “successful” why am I wasting my time working? If I’m not becoming “successful” and doing the work I was put on this earth to do, what am I doing? Working to live, not living to work. Who does that anyway? Live to work?

“If you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life.” That’s always been a crock of shit to me, not gonna lie. But, maybe I’m just a pessimist and people really love what they do and jump up before their alarm and do it.

If that’s true, I feel that way about teaching. It’s amazing. I feel like I’m empowered and empowering people. I’m giving them the gift I thought I would never have: information. College & Weight Watchers. Both accomplishments that were never supposed to happen. I should be an uneducated fat woman. I’m not. Instead I’m the opposite. 

  
I’m ready to do this. I’m ready to feel success by following my heart and sharing my gifts. 

I am starting to find if I let go and trust it will all work out things seem to go better than I could have imagined.

How can that be? Let go and let God.

Is that success? 


1-2-3…. OUCH!! #attachmentparentingfails

Attachment parenting, Cloth diaper, Family, Marriage, weight loss

Yea, we’ll get to that in a minute. You’ll probably die laughing.

I survived my first week back to work. We traveled home from Mississippi and landed in our cushy nestled little mess-of-a-home. It felt like we brought Mississippi weather with us. It was freezing cold when he landed in AZ. Seriously, the next few days it rained & snowed in parts of the valley. Totally nutty. Happily, I will say it’s now 70. That’s why I live here.

New Years means New You! It’s a time to reinvent yourself and prove to the world you’re an asset to your family, work & friends. When is it that we start to slip into the old habit(s) again? It happens. You forget how much you wanted to lose weight, save money, pay off debt, stop drinking so much… You get it.

Why?

Why do we forget so easily? Comfortable? Lazy? Busy? Overwhelmed? Maybe all of the above.

When I lost 55 pounds over 7 years ago I remember thinking, “if I could just fix this problem/this food issue, all of my other problems will seem like a breeze.” {She} was right and wrong. If you’ve kept up with me over the year you know I’ve fought many battles: family/financial. I must say, those aren’t easy, but knowing I have total control of what goes into my mouth and how I handle situations makes MY life slightly easier. It doesn’t solve all problems, but it does make it easier.

I miss leading Weight Watcher meetings. I wish I could be there to inspire my friends. The members were my friends, I loved them. I know they loved me too. I wish I had all the money in the world and I could go back. But, I can’t. There isn’t enough time in the week for me to squeeze out another job. I worked 3 jobs for 6 years. Too much. Can’t do it. But, I miss it. Weight Watchers saved my life.

Alright. The moment you’ve been waiting for…

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Oh, what’s that you say? Well, a moment of I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m done. Give me coffee. Oh, and the band aids. Yea,
those. Well, you see, I’m still nursing the kid. Last week- I WAS DONE! No more. Stop. Stop! Stooppppp!!!!!

“Mama, mulk.” “MAMA, MULK.”

First off kid- it’s MILK. An I. “ill-k” with an M before that. M-I-L-K.

Mama, MULK.

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So. I said no more “Mama Mulk” for this guy. He cried and cried and cried. Heart wrenching tears. It was horrible. That’s when I remembered this blog I read that mentioned she put bandaids on her nipples and her kid seemed to get it. “Momma owie.” So, I tried that. Z was pretty pissed that I had a sudden “owie.” I could tell he thought, “this woman thinks I’m an idiot!” He eventually gave me some space and all was well. I thought, OMG. It worked. It really worked. Then, 10 minutes later Z said…. (Drumroll please)

Mama, MULK!

I had to peel those bad boys off one of the most sensible sensitive (that was funny auto-correct, sensible lol) skin on our bodies!!!!!!!!! WTF! I didn’t think about that part! He didn’t wait a second. I ripped them off and he was right there ready to nurse. So, here we are going strong. 26 months and counting.

I remember thinking, can I get this right? Will he latch? Are my boobs too big… Will he suffocate under thereπŸ‘ˆLOL. Well, I guess I got it SO right that it’s lasting forever.

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Confidence and Weight Loss

confidence, empowerment, weight loss

You are worth it.Β 

At times I wonder WHY I am SO successful at keeping 55 pounds of weight off. WHY me? HOW? What is SO special about me. And, as much as I want to sit here and tell you I am superduper amazing – which, I am…I have to be really honest with you – it’s not anything special about me.

If you have read my blog by now you know that I lost my weight on Weight Watchers and I have maintained the weight loss – ALL OF IT – over the span of 7 years and 1 pregnancy. I attribute much of what I know and live, through the teachings of Weight Watchers; however, I also have my own philosophy and where-with-all to know it goes beyond a weigh in and 30 minute meeting.

You see, I always knew I was beautiful. I was always confident! I always knew I would be somebody some day. Really, just like the song. It was when I reached an all time high with my weight that I no longer felt like myself and I knew I needed a change. So, although I struggled with weight – I never struggled with confidence. I mean, WHY would I? I have always been fabulous.

So, you, maybe you are struggling with weight or with confidence… how on earth do you find it? Where does it come from? All I can say is that I have found it in particular places – all within my self.

You HAVE to start with YOURSELF.

No? Don’t have time for yourself? Well, that sounds like a personal problem – make the time. Really. Stop. Stop making the excuses and make the time to focus on your health! You ONLY get one body and one chance at this thing called life… make the most of it.

I therefore am going to do the annoying cliche numbering system:

1. Pick a date – choose that date and make it your “I am going to be fabulous date.” NOT a death sentence of I am going to start a dreaded diet – that just sucks.

2. Pick a healthy routine. I MEAN it… healthy. So start small. Maybe it is eat 1 fruit/vegetable each meal. Sounds insane but it will work. Do it each day.

3. Start walking – an NO not just to McDonald’s. Around the block. Play with your kids. Walk your damn smelly dog – just get out there.

4. Stop boozing it up – send that to my house. Enough said.

5. Eat FAT. And not greasy shit… I mean, avocados, almonds, cheese, milk, eggs… good FATS!

Here are some great super foodsΒ from Web MD. Mix ’em up.

6. Find great support – a friend, a family member an online blogger… anyone with a pulse that speaks your language!

7. Follow foodie blogs. Don’t tell me you eat a damn chicken salad every day for lunch and dinner… Ugh, you already annoy me. Add variety! Here are some of my favorite foodie blogs:

Oh She Glows

Kath Eats Real Food Β 

Choosing Raw

Chocolate Covered Katie

8. If you are not a cook or baker, f-it… pick some easy shit up from the grocery or take-out but make sure it is a healthy option… Not sure? ASK! Shoot- ASK me! No one ever sends me emails or comments under here… I WILL HELP YOU! ambernicholegreen@gmail.com

9. Give yourself a break – grace – be easy on yourself. You did not gain it overnight.

10. Love you. Do you expect your family and friends to love you? I hope so. Then – YOU need to LOVE yourself FIRST.

So – I guess that is my 10 step plan for you… I also have a YouTube channel that is completely a mess. Really, I am not good at that yet – but I am trying. So if you are interested GO THERE for help too!

You hold the future of your weight loss – unleash it.Β 

Amber Green YouTube

* I am very new to YouTube, be gracious πŸ™‚